you sick liiitle monkeeeey!

This is the simplified form of the word for behind, or after, as in behind something or after dinner, and is pronounced ho, which is undoubtedly what the owner of this tattoo certainly is. It does not mean behind, as in the English slang for ass or posterior. Aside from the obvious lingual fauxpas, the way this was written is just plain awful. This is just one bad looking ass overall. And by bad, I don’t mean good.

I’ve been trying to register a variation of my name for some time now, only to be frustrated year after year by people who aren’t named Zi, or Mei, or any permutation of those letters and initials. Today, I looked up zimei.org and zimei.net and found out they belong to one Dr. Janet Zand. The first thing I noticed wasn’t her super-shady looking skin products or her fake-ass sounding credentials, but the awful kanji. For someone who has supposedly spent years studying throughout Asia, she sure has a shitty command of Chinese. The “mei” she uses means beauty, except the word looks all mangled, like it was designed by some gwai-lo. It should look like how it’s written in the speech bubble.

Some of the Before & After photos are positively terrifying! I’m no doctor, but here’s this Zi’s secret to looking young: soft studio lighting, gobs of makeup, and an airbrush. And don’t forget the facelift!
So… my namesake belongs to some quacky looking plastic-surgeried up lady with very a poor understanding of Chinese who’s out to cash in on the growing Asian fad.

I saw this at Jack’s 99¢ Store the other day and just had to buy it because it was so ridiculous. The bad kanji drew my attention immediately, and I didn’t even notice the awful pagoda on the side until I got home. There are so many things wrong with this, where do I begin?

Clipart courtesy FCIT

First off, Chinese is not cuneiform, OK? So stop using this ugly and stereotypical chopstick font. Cuneiform looks like this.

The word is supposed to look like this:

It is pronounced “shoku” in Japanese, or “shi” in Mandarin. The word on the left is written in a more natural brush script while the one next to it is sort of the equivalent of Times New Roman. On the right, I’ve written it by hand.

Secondly, this is the wrong VERB. This word means “eat”, not drink. Unless this thing is full of tea biscuits or you’re going to eat the box, this word doesn’t belong here.

Third is the very un-Asian metal tea pot. Asian ones are typically earthenware. This thing is a British teapot.

Since this thing is Ginseng Tea, how about using a photo or illustration of either ginseng, or tea instead of the ridiculous (and ugly) pagoda? Hmm, ever thought of that? And what the hell is Boston’s Ginseng Tea?! Boston is known for neither ginseng nor tea, unless you count the Boston Tea Party (which, by the way, isn’t a party of any kind).

Next time, hire someone who has a faint understanding of Chinese/Japanese culture! Also note that the genius who designed this packaging flipped the image around in the top photo!